Updated: Oct 16, 2018
It has taken me over a week now to get the courage to not only blog about this topic but also share a video of me in the midst of a very low point. Anxiety is something I have been struggling with for a while now. I can be laughing one minute and a minute later my heart races, my thoughts consume me, and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to retreat and hide, I doubt everything and fear covers me like a blanket. Since April of this year I have been on a journey to start living a better life so I can be the best version of myself for God, my husband, my boys and career. To be honest I started hating who I saw in the mirror. The part that got me the most is when I would think about what my boys would think about their mom one day. Would they have an example of a mom that was unhealthy, overweight, quick to give up on things and never living up to all that I could be. Because I know I would never allow my kids to believe those things about themsevles nor would I allow them to get lazy, unhealthy or to quit things. How hypocrtitical of me! I pour my life into them and want them to be the best they can be. All the while telling them with my words but not my actions. How can I make my husband and kids think they are worth it when I don't even believe what I'm saying. So long story short I started Identifying triggers, things that would bother me and make me want to retreat, eat my feelings, or not show up for myself. I started changing my habits! So I started reading a lot, studying God's word more, writing down what I am thankful for and I stopped breaking promises to myself! I am changing my future and I am changing the example my kids see. Even though I have been at this for a while the anxiety attacks have lessened drastically BUT they do still happen. This video is me struggling to get through my anxiety. This attack was really hard to fight through a few months ago this would have been a trigger that would have had me spiraling out of control. The difference with this was I have been laying a firm foudantion built on rock instead of sand and so when this attack came on instead of reverting to my old habits I stayed the course, tears and all. I say all these things in hopes of encouraging someone else who is struggling. Know you are worth it! You are worth eating healthy foods, exercising and taking time for yourself. We can't give the best of ourselves when we are empty. Not only will you be better as a person but also as a wife, mom, boss, coworker, etc. We were made for more.